THE HIDDEN IMPACT OF HIV/AIDS, A GUARDIANS PERSPECTIVE
By Olivia Phiri
A group of teachers sat around a table during tea break, all with a common agenda, to rest. What were really on their minds were the situations back at their homes. Despite the poor or delayed salaries, there is still a much more nagging issue, the extra orphan back home, the uninvited, unexpected child of a dead relative.
So many stories have been published on the impact of HIV/AIDS such as the increasing number of orphans and how much they are suffering. The neglected party is the care giver or the guardian, who society expects to offer extra care to a child they did not plan for.
HIV/AIDS orphans often come to people’s home with an already dismantled emotional base. Orphans often suffer from behavioural changes such as depression, anxiety and decreased self-esteem, resulting in stealing, aggression, and running away from home or school.
Supporting children in such situations towards improved emotional well-being is critical but very stressing on a young marriage or single women headed households.
Other traumatised parties are the children of the care givers. The children are usually without prior notification of the new resident, forced to accept this new child in the home. After wards they are advised to treat the orphan with special care.
The guardian’s children thereafter have to get used to lesser attention because the orphan needs to be made to feel at home and sometimes because of health related issues such as administering medication and so on.
The society, in this case neighbours and relatives are expectant of substantial change in the orphan’s situation, in terms of improvement of clothing, health and education continuation.
The following are three different situations currently happening in homes in Lusaka.
This article hopes to address the issue most put away, the burden of the orphan on the guardian and what solutions could help the situation.
This article is not meant to alienate orphans but rather to gain a closer view on the impact of their increase in homes around the country. (Please be notified that because of the sensitivity of the testimonies, fictious or abbreviated names were used to prevent stigmatisation of the guardians and the children too.)
‘Lombe’ is one of the teachers at the round table resting from work and not from the orphan situation. He is currently taking care of his late sister’s girl child who is seven years old. The young girl is currently in grade 2. She has a sweet personality and with a quick beautiful face.
‘Lombe’ is less than ten year in his marriage and just had a second child of his own. His income is low and so is his wife’s. His wife was unprepared for the advent of this child in their servant’s quarter arrangement, and he allegedly did not see the need for a discussion to raise his late sisters child in his home regardless his income.
Unfortunately the child has been a source of trouble since she came into their household, her first incident was breaking their first Television set which they had saved up to buy mysteriously.
She is constantly lying about little incidents that follow her footsteps. She currently almost got expelled from school due to circumstances not easy for the teacher to explain, such as stealing, late arrival and disobedience.
He has had endless arguments with his wife over the child and how she should treat the child. To date she is a sensitive issue to both of them and they dread her teen age years.
‘Martha’ is newly married, she is a trained accountant who is unemployed but her husband ‘Richard’ is an accomplished Banker, who is comfortable and prefers his wife stays home to raise their daughter.
Recently Richard lost his sister who had a 15 year old son named ‘Peter’. Peter was a well kempt child who never learned to cook or do basic chores, and now Peter finds himself in Martha’s care, an orphan.
Martha suddenly has to make sure that she leaves food for him if she has to leave the house, to go anywhere. She has to clean after him when she comes back and make sure he has entertainment facilities ready so that he feels welcome and relaxed.
She now has make sure that she is well dressed around the house and cannot have the social freedom she had before such a old male child moved in with them without her consent and prior discussion. She can’t speak carelessly or freely about any subject just in case it is not appropriate for his age or it is in relation to his presence.
At the moment, Martha is on the brink of divorce because she complained to Richard about how much her life has changed since the child moved in and how she is now expected to do and clean as compared to before.
‘Rose’ is a widow and is taking care of numerous orphans at her house. She is almost 50 and often sick of different illnesses. She recently chased one orphan she was keeping for ten years due to the child’s behaviour, sexually, badmouthing and simple ungratefulness.
The orphan who is 23 years old, both her parents died of HIV/AIDS. Rose has had to educate her from grade 8 up wards, struggling because of terrible performance and lack of attendance.
After finishing school fraudulently and getting locked up for leakage usage and sleeping with teachers, Rose found the child a job. At the job, the girl child started sleeping with her supervisor who was Rose’s junior at the place of work, so Rose decided that it was time for her to attempt college, as a cook.
The orphan got enrolled but never paid her school fees and now bailiffs are threatening to repossess Rose’s property as payment.
Then as a last blow, Rose decides to incorporate the child in cross border trading but no sooner she started, she soon started hooking up with almost all bus drivers that have even threatened to go to Rose’s house in order to beat the girl up for cheating on them.
This happened as the last straw and Rose decided to that her brothers child can go, just leave he house. At the moment Rose has no idea where the child is, and she said she does not care, in fact she said it was a relief because she was becoming a threat to her peace and her health.
Orphaned children often feel easily hurt and abused and are likely to seek to solace for grievances from people who are outside the family that is keeping them without prior discussion with guardian.
This mostly causes misunderstandings in families and communities. The reason behind such behaviours is extra attention and psychological help the child may need without the guardian realising.
A reasonable solution to ruined relationships with neighbours and relatives over the treatment of an orphan is not anger, but reconciliation and conversation with the orphan. Ask the child what exactly they want and what they would like you to do for them as their new parent.
Fear, worries, observing and caring for ill parents in pain, stigmatisation, hospital visitations and ultimate loss are all experienced by children affected by HIV/AIDS at various times over several years.
The effects parental illness and death have on a child's mental health and ability to cope is intricate, and depends upon the child's developmental stage, flexibility and culture.
Consequently, psychological and emotional effects are less obvious and often go unnoticed or neglected. Changed behaviour may be dismissed as a mere transitional period, a momentary disorder that will pass, rather than a pointer of psychological distress with possible long-term implications.
Another neglected issue by guardians is making the orphans new situation clear as soon as they arrive in a home, if they are at the age of understanding, the rules of the home. Some orphans arrive in an already established home with certain rules and are immediately expected to act in a certain way.
There should be an induction ceremony, were the orphan is told why he or she has come to live in that house, for how long, the relationship with the guardian, and what is theirs and not. He or she should be introduced as an equal person to the children, who may have special needs such as medication, if unwell.
The first solution to the increase in the number of orphans is the prevention in infecting or getting infected with the HIV/AIDS virus by everyone capable of bearing children. Youths must take responsibility of their attitude towards the HIV virus which is ravaging the region through the correct and consistence use of condoms, abstinence and faithfulness are also good options.
Another solution for parents is to go for voluntary testing and counselling (VCT) which has been made free all over the country.
If a person is found positive, they should go for further testing and medical advice on how soon you can start the Antiretroviral (ARV’s) medication so that they can prolong life so that as long as you can be sustained a parent can be able to take care of his or her own children.
To help parents live longer Government should ensure the equal, free distribution and adequate access for people living with HIV/AIDS to anti-retroviral drugs are made possible throughout the country, which can slow or halt the immune suppression caused by HIV.
People living with the virus should take care of their health by either abstaining from sex or using protective measures, they should make sure to eat properly and take the ARV’s properly and on time.
Guardians are also advised to consider the traumatic experiences the children go through and should practice patience and tolerance. Psychological problems in children are not easily noticed in Africa as compared to the west, thus it is time people realised that they exist and play a major role in the up brining of children and their well being.
Guardians can also make that they include the orphans in all home activities and treat them as their own and not too special or cruelly because it is not only HIV/AIDS that causes children to be orphaned.
People must employ they the humanistic approach, which is one Zambia, one nation, this helped solidify relationships and helped people get along better and work as a community.
Finally adequate support should be given to caregivers and guardians through counselling services, morally and financially rather than criticizing or stigmatising the family.
In women headed homes, it is more important that counsellors pay attention to the access of medication, as it has been proven that women suffer a lot in terms of access to good health facilities due to lack of education and stable incomes.
Communities should work together in the fight against the spread of HIV/AIDS and the care of people living with the Virus through the establishment communal programs that promote good health care and education for all.
